I wait tables for a living, in a very small restaurant, owned by my family. I’ve been waitressing for about 4 years now, and while I don’t profess to be amazing at it, I’ve picked up a few tricks here and there. They should at least be useful for people just starting out.

My tip of the day is on eye contact. No matter where you work, this is an important skill to have, as it gives an impression of confidence, honesty, and friendliness. When waiting on customers, there are some guidelines you should follow regarding how and with whom to make eye contact:

  1. Don’t keep eye contact with just one person. Shift your gaze from one guest to another. If you stare at one person in particular, it will make them feel singled out, and the rest of the guests may feel that you’re speaking only to one person. Unless, of course, you are speaking only to that person, in which case, don’t look away.
  2. When speaking to a couple, it’s better to make eye contact with the person of your sex. If a female waitress makes too much eye contact with the male, his girlfriend might perceive it as interest or flirting. Ditto for the other way around.
  3. If it’s a family, a group of friends, or two people of the same sex, maintain the most eye contact with the oldest person. There are limits to this, of course. If a middle-aged woman caring for her elderly father comes in, it’s likely she’ll do most of the speaking. Direct questions to whoever you feel appropriate, but keep better eye contact with the caretaker.
  4. If someone consistently stares at the menu while you’re giving the specials or taking orders, don’t force eye contact. Do let your glance run over them, but don’t let it linger if they don’t meet your eye.

These tips assume that you go over specials or have some sort of preamble before you take their drink order. While taking orders, keep consistent eye contact with whoever is ordering, even if other people interject.

Another important aspect to eye contact while waitressing is while you’re away from your table. It’s awkward waiting for your table to finish dinner, and especially if you have only one or two customers at the moment, the tendency is to watch them to see if they need anything. I probably don’t need to tell you that this isn’t comfortable for anyone. You’ll probably feel like a stalker, and they’ll feel like they’re being watched. My tendency is to keep occupied with other things in the meantime, or at least look busy (your table will usually understand if you take a moment getting to them if it’s obvious you’re not just standing around and texting). At intervals, glance over to your table, or walk past them. If they catch your eye, head over there. If they’re looking around, but they don’t flag you down, they’re probably fine. It’s usually okay to check on them anyway, just to be sure, but if you’re worried about “smothering” them, then wait for them to make eye contact with you.

Lastly, there’s the matter of bringing them the bill. Do make eye contact when you leave it there, and don’t hover. In theory, you should drop the ticket off, leave, and then come back when you see the cash or card out. The other major thing I want to mention is regarding the tip. Nothing should keep you near the table as they’re figuring out the tip (unless they ask you specifically). This puts unnecessary pressure on them, intended or not, and is generally considered rude. When you collect the tip, if the customers are still there, make eye contact for the last time, smile and thank them (no matter how much or how little they left), and wish them a good day. Exit stage right.

With luck, these suggestions will help you to use eye contact more efficaciously as a server, and will make your customers (and therefore you!) happier.