dorkumentary

Katu Matson

Advanced Expository Writing

Francis Bacon Imitative Essay - ”Of Studies”

1-19-11

Imitation Bacon

Siblings exist for challenge, for comfort, and for company. Their chief use for challenge, is in our scope and awareness; for comfort, is in understanding; and for company, is in the steadfastness and loyalty of presence. Forany man can keep one company, and perhaps comfort, in a way; but the greatest understanding, and the relationship, and the similarity of background, come best from those who are related. To compete too much with siblings, is aggression; to use them too much for comfort is codependency; to keep company wholly by their side is the humor of a child. They complete a family, and are completed by each other: for good siblings are like good condiments, that need to be applied, but sparingly: and siblings themselves tend to give forth flavor too much at large, except they be bounded in by one’s discretion regarding them. Middle children contemn siblings, only-children admire them, and eldest children scold them; for they do not their own chores; but that is a motivation without them, and above them, won by allowances. Learn their thoughts not to contradict and confute; nor to believe and take for granted; nor to find talk and discourse; but to gain the upper hand in blackmail. Some siblings are to be ignored, others to be tolerated, and some few to be played with and befriended; that is, some siblings are to be played with only sometimes; others to be befriended, but not deeply; and some few to be befriended wholly, and with love and affection. Some siblings also may be experienced by deputy, and stories told of them by others; but that would be only in the less experiential matters, and the meaner sort of siblings, else secondhand siblings are like secondhand stories, embellished things. Siblings maketh a full family; compromise a reasonable family; and sacrifice a grateful family. And therefore, if a man sacrifice little, he had need have a great respectfulness; if he compromise little, he had need have a decent excuse: and if he be an only child, he had need have much humility, to seem to know, that he art spoiled. Siblings make brothers cross-dress; sisters eat worms; parents exasperated; friends enchanted; each other embarrassed; grandparents and kin incredibly pleased. Optimus frater est erus ut alius.* Nay, there is no flaw or irritation in the sibling, but may be wrought out by fit beatings; like as flaws of the craft, may have appropriate measures taken. Hammering is good for the metalwork and smithery; sanding for the wood and glass; gentle molding for the clay; frogging for the knit; and the like. So if a man’s sibling be copying, let him speak in self-insults; for in repetition, if his sibling be listening only ever so little, he will call himself a stinky-cheese-face. If his wit be not apt to argue or find advantages, let him study my family; for we are difficiles-viscus inducos. ** If he be not sufficient to beat older siblings, and to call up one other to assist and intimidate the older, let him study the martial arts. So every defect of the brother, may have a special walloping.